


Promise me

by Kitexa



Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Eating Disorders, Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Sibling Bonding, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-19
Updated: 2013-04-19
Packaged: 2017-12-08 22:03:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/766534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kitexa/pseuds/Kitexa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You promised you'd never read my mind."</p><p>When did he promise? And why?</p><p>Take a look...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise me

**Author's Note:**

> I should mention, Charles is a little older in my headcanon than he is in some. He's eighteen, here. Little FYI.

_September 27, 1949,_

_I made a promise, today. Been sometime since I've done that. Been some time since I've done anything, really: they won't let me out until I've "overcome" my bloody "condition." I DON'T HAVE A PROBLEM I ONLY COME OFF THAT WAY BECAUSE THEY REFUSE TO LEAVE ME ALONE! Mother was bad enough, I don't want fucking doctors telling me what to do!!_

_I swear if my powers were working..._

_But they're not, which is the ONLY reason I've agreed to this. I can't be a telepath without telepathy. Ruddy nonsense, that is._

_~~Of course, that implies I AM malnourished and I refuse to accept that. I'm not sick, I'm NOT...~~ _

_There must be another reason. I'm only here because I knew I'd never get that LOOK off Raven's face if I left._

_~~And I can hardly walk, thinking hurts, let alone my voice, my pen's just moving and my writing's so HORRID...~~_

_Raven..._

_Today's her birthday. Thirteen, the first "landmark" of adulthood. Could have gone anywhere--help's available--but she pays  
_ me _a visit, instead. ME. It shouldn't surprise me, I mean, we're siblings, best friends, she SHOULD want to visit but that...I can't get that look out of my head. I don't know why it bothers me; betrayal's something I've grown accustomed to. Doing it, now. Apart from experiencing. Make no mistake, I don't enjoy it--never--it's just...I've a poor sense of commitment. They want one thing, I another and when I try to bend for them eventually it snaps._

_Raven's--she was--different. With her, I didn't have to bend. Poor girl...nowhere to go or trust...she held me to such high standards; it hurts I couldn't meet them. I tried, I tried to be the perfect brother, but away at school, with only holidays...I wrote letters but it's not the same and then this happens and I'd be surprised if she EVER sees me like she used to._

_*This, by the way, meaning the lies. We had an understanding, she and I; keep your powers open but never harm the other, with them. Then I went inside her head like I did everyone else. NOT because I'm "ill" the way they say. I'M NOT SICK. They hated my body as much as I and I was so TIRED of the looks and questions...better they see me the way I was before I put on all that weight._

_Where was I?_

_Birthday, yes. As I said, she'd taken a car up to see me (too young to drive but we're still friends with mother's chauffeur) Making sure to stop a block away. Clever girl...respects my dignity even when I break her heart..._

_Having no visitors, myself (didn't get to say goodbye to my flatmates; they've NO idea where I've gone) I was thoroughly shocked when she walked in. Her BIRTHDAY, of all days...wore a little smile, and everything. Except her skin, of course, but that goes without saying. A shame…beautiful thing, her scales. Like a peacock in its splendor. Female, though...were the female of the bird so vibrant._

_Anyway, she comes in, still lovely, but blond, and hangs by the door. Surprising, yet...not. Life's hard, at home, I've no doubt (what with Cain moving out and mother disinterested); it's expected she'd withdraw. But around_ me? __

_~~It's not a shock, it's PAINFUL. All these years, she's never cried because of me.~~ _

_~~I deserve it.~~ _

_I'm left to do the honors, wishing her a shy hello. Sounds shy, anyway. Really, I seem to have lost my lung capacity. I'm not shy, ask anyone; got a problem, I'm gonna fucking say something._

_Case and point, my greeting. Kind, yes, but still extending hands. Thankfully, she accepted and soon joined my bedside. Silence resumed shortly after. What could I say? I was her hero (never labeled, only touched on in projected dreams) and I yelled at her. I yelled and...swore at my little sister because she AND my mother...she's supposed to have MY back and agreed with my mum, instead!!_

_...I spoke, first._

_"No birthday cake?"_

_She laughed, shaking her head. "Figured you'd want the thought, instead." Face soured immediately, light mortification framing her features. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--"_

_"It's alright," I cut in, offering a thin smile. "They'll come back when they're ready." It wasn't, entirely, okay; no longer able to read them, the word had struck me sore, but it mattered little over the sheer surprise she'd apologized to me._

_I really do have the world's best sister._

_Following the...mishap, I guess...conversation came easy. We talked largely of home, the day--if she'd gotten that new bicycle she'd asked for--conveniently side-stepping my health._

_Again: world's best sister._

_We soon found ourselves at a standstill, a half-hour in. My life's so spectacularly DULL, right now, so topics tend to run quickly. For the best, I guess. Neither of us fancy speaking of the family. And I felt it inappropriate to ask about her nightmares. I might be...they may think I'm sick but I haven't lost my mind._

_"I should...probably head back." She said, and with a heavy heart, I nodded. These sorts of places aren't the ideal choice for birthday parties._

_Too bad...(not really, I'd rather this place burn), I missed the company. And it's harder to read disappointment when your brain's half-shut off._

_Her smile saddened, and for a moment, I thought she'd hug me. The notion passed through her blue eyes (some things I needn't telepathy for), but she kissed my cheek, instead. ~~(Can't say I'm surprised; wretched to the touch, I am...she's a right to keep her arms free.)~~_

_"Charles?"_

_Again, I reeled and again, found attention. "Y-yes, Raven?"_

_Teeth caught her lip, pulling at her sweater cuffs. Lovely little garment; she's always worn red, well. "Can you...do something for me?"_

_Do...something. Now I grew nervous. 'That depends,' My mind told me but aloud, I couldn't bare it. No more yelling, fighting...she's been through enough. "What is it?"_

_A glance at the door, her boots, then trailed back to me. "As a birthday present."_

_"...alright, Raven, as a birthday present."_

_What happened next still rings 'round my ears._

_"I want," she began, slipping her fingers under mine, (touching, she's TOUCHING me how can she I'm repulsive, hideous WHY) "you to make me a promise."_

_Promises...promises are flimsy words strung together when you want something. They're never kept. I thought she knew better._

_I KNOW she knows better._

_And to ask me to stop? Change? I'm HERE but I don't have to cooperate, I just need my powers. When they come back, I'm out. Done. School, mother, can go fuck themselves. I'd take Raven of course but that depends on if she'll let me._

_Uh..._

_Promise._

_Dammit._

_She asked me to promise to stay out of her head. A very clear, distinct "don't do it, anymore."_

_Exactly what I didn't want to hear._

_"Raven--"_

_"It's a birthday present, Charles." My younger sister scolded, squeezing my hand a bit tighter. "You can't take that away."_

_~~I'd like to think if the action hadn't pinched so horribly, I'd have won the argument.~~ _

_Sadly, Raven knows me well._

_"Promise, Charles."_

_The unspoken 'please' weighed on my heart and I found myself nodding once more. "O...okay. I'll keep out of your head from now on."_

_The way she lit up nearly drowned the pain of losing our mental connection. She leaned forward and this time, wrapped me in that hug. "I love you," she whispered and...oddly enough, I felt some sort of peace. Yes, I'd lose her in my head and no, it didn't thrill me but her trust...her heart, at least, was mine once more. I could deal with isolation, if it meant she wouldn't hate me._

_"You take care, now." I called on her way out, drawing her to a stop, by the door. She shook her head, chuckling a little...So nice, to hear that laugh again._

_"Take care, yourself."_

_...we both knew what she meant but let it rest at casualties. No need to part on a sour note._

_"...hey, Raven?"_

_"Yeah?" Tight; expected, but unnecessary. Like me, she's experienced one too many faulty promises._

_I let my smile warm. I didn't know how well I'll keep my word, I STILL don't...it's new, and...frightening, to be honest._

_But for Raven...I'd like to try._

_Be a better brother...and maybe...a better man._

_"Happy Birthday."_

_\--Charles F. Xavier_

**Author's Note:**

> I have been dying to write something like this for ages. Not quite in the context I'd originally envisioned, but I think it works well enough. Kind of tricky, too; I do hope the anorexic mindset came off, alright. I've studied eating disorders/deal with anxiety, myself, but it's quite different, trying to write a character with it, in the first person perspective.  
> I also really love this journal entry, style. First person POV is fun.  
> ...he DOES sound a bit too old, here, but it's been a while since I've properly gotten into teen!Charles' head.


End file.
